Winter Makes Rare Appearance in Vancouver

It is absolutely freezing in my apartment and minus ten degrees outside. Canadians from anywhere but the west coast will scoff at that temperature, but we are unpractised at the art of winter out here and very sensitive to the cold. It is hard to argue that it is not beautiful though!

Texas!

I am on my way back home after making my first trip to a Red State to visit Enid. I was really excited to set foot on some staunch Republican territory, especially considering the recent election results. I was hoping to come up against a bunch of people in mourning over the wayward path their liberal countrymen were taking them down. (Un)fortunately I visited Austin.

Politically speaking, Austin is to Texas as Calgary is to Alberta, if Calgary weren't so darn conservative. It is 'a little blue dot in a big red state' and claims to be the live music capital of the world. It is still Texas though! And man, do Texans love their freedom. The following are some examples of freedoms Texans love:

The freedom to drink and BBQ in parking-lots on game day (commonly known as tailgatin'.)

The freedom to eat tacos for breakfast.

The freedom to extol the virtue of political candidates based on their battle testedness (Not a word, but also not a quality I look for in political leaders)

The freedom to shop for alcohol at private liquor stores the size of two hockey arenas and the freedom to score deals on booze that would make Paul Brown weak in the knees.

Yes, Texans enjoy many a freedom, but so do British Columbians! Here is the proof. I enjoyed the freedom to eat BBQ until I felt sick to my stomach and Enid enjoyed freedom so much she got it all over her face.

Let's hear it for the other candidates!

With a municipal election pending in Vancouver, there has been much talk of increased homelessness on the Down Town East Side, the lack of social housing in the city and cost overruns on Olympic venues. Media coverage and the rabble at street level have focused on the proposed strategies of NPA candidate Peter Ladner and Vision candidate Gregor Robertson. Who we haven't heard a lot about, are the thirteen other candidates running for Vancouver's top job. And my friends, there are some real gems among them.





















Take Patrick Britten (top Left) from the Nude Garden Party, a self described healthy recycler, businessman, janitor, ratepayer, green thumb, and ecumenical ecdysiast (look those two words up if you don't know them- you will not be disappointed.) The rest of his profile, as you might imagine, is totally unintelligible aside from the bit about an aerobic civilization optimizing in biomass; that part was totally clear.

R.H. Maxwell N. Bur (top middle) is running on a campaign of no "gay parade" and no illegal drugs in Vancouver. This guy is clearly off his rocker. What would Vancouver be without illegal drugs and gays?

Then you have Betty Krawcyzk (top right) from The Work Less Party, who may or may not show up to work if we elect her.

Golok Buday (bottom left) would bring to the mayoral position a wealth of experience in 'joking, philosophizing, auditioning as a child actor and online pamphlateering.' I am not sure what online pamphlateering is, but it sounds annoying and I would like him to stop. His profile goes on to say that he comes from a long line of "active artists, humanists, and entertainers; also scientists and possible athletes." Possible athletes?

All I can say about Mike Hansen is nice hair dude. Fuckin' right on!

And then there is Joe Hatoum (bottom right) who received permission from his mum to stay up late on election night.

Surprisingly, if photos are anything to judge a mayoral candidate by (as clearly they are,) the only marginal candidate that doesn't come across as a total wack-job is the guru of ganja, the principal proponent of pot, Marc Emery. He photographs well for someone recently released from a US penitentiary.

Shout out to my home boy: You remember when we partied on Parliament Hill?!? Word!

Hipster Olympics

This video should explain a lot for those of you living in rural Canada and other areas spared from the hipster movement.

Suspicious Cyclist in the Nexus of Irony?

Originally I sat down to write about being refused entry to a bank because I was wearing a suspicious bicycle helmet (I kid you not, I was told my bicycle helmet was suspicious and that I couldn't enter until I removed it) but I have been distracted by my current location in what I believe to be the nexus of irony, the focal point of hip in Vancouver.

I am in a coffee shop in the triangular block north of Broadway, between Kingsway and Main. To my right is a young woman knitting, of all things, a brown doily. She is wearing a blue sweater with silver pearls spaced evenly apart in a grid pattern across her chest. She is in her mid 20's. To my left is a guy wearing another sweater (hipsters love ironic sweaters.) His is bunchy and brown with a crocheted horse on the back. He is wearing skinny jeans, tired baby blue converse sneakers and his ironic facial hair just made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Yeah, I am being a total snob. But you know they are judging me for typing on a PC. I counted five Macs in here at one point and only one PC, my own. This is most definitely the nexus of irony and all things hip.

For more analysis of hipsters and their ironic movement, see Enid's post on March 1st 2008.

Moments of Zen: If Jon Stewart has them, why can't I?

I recently dropped out of Facebook (again) and Plenty of Fish (for the first time, but I will probably rejoin and then drop out again, in a process of realization that there are no decent men to be had in real life or on the internet - more on my enviable love life later, much later and defitely outside of this parenthesis) in an effort to create more free time. Got that? I've got lots of time because I am no longer oogling other people's photos. Hence my recent blogyness.

But about moments of zen, I'd like to think that they could become a ongoing feature of this blog, much like uglyness is an ongoing feature of J's face. But we'll see; J's face is a consistent act to follow. Moments of zen are documentations of the things that make me stop and take notice.

I had a moment of zen the first time I noticed the quadrilingual election placards of the NDP in my riding. I know I am not supposed to be impressed by this kind of thing, I live in Canada and I have all my life, but I still think things like this are cool.

Crown Mtn.

Here are a few photos from a hike I did yesterday with Rachel (Graeme's girlfriend, whom we all really like and hope he doesn't ef it up with.) The hike up Crown Mountain starts on the north shore of Vancouver at the Grouse Mountain parking lot, then winds its way up beyond the resort. The view from the top is incredible, with a panoramic view of Vancouver Island, the entire greater Vancouver area and south to Point Roberts, in the United States. We made a late start and consequently a late finish, hiking out just as the sun sank behind the horizon.

On the way down we came across a grizzly bear, chilling by a stream.

Luckily he was enclosed behind an electric fence and was well fed by resort staff.

The Sandwich

This is the much hailed sandwich I ate post hospitalization. You will remember I was hospitalized for self eating and thus, in order to stave off a re-occurrence of metabolic cannibalism, I proceeded to eat a lot. This sandwich, with 18 layers of meat at it's thickest point (yes, we counted,) is a prime example of my self prescribed therapy.

I have been very careful not to make any unintended double entendres when talking about the thickness of this meat, but I also can't resist a crass play on words.

My body started to consume itself...

The last two weeks of my vacation have been marred by medical misfortune. In order to understand how I got into the sorry state pictured above, it helps to look at my journal entry of Aug 4th from Blazen Creek Rest Stop, 30km west of Creston, BC. It reads as follows:

7:30pm
Today was the most physically demanding day of my life. I climbed what may well be the highest mountain pass in BC. I cried twice on the way up and once when I got to the top. I must have gotten too much sun too because I have a massive headache and I just threw up my dinner. I am not a particularly happy camper tonight.

11:30pm
Still puking. I slept for an hour or so before I woke up. When I did, I checked my blood sugar and it was at 4.1 so I drank the last drops of juice I had made up. Then I rose to get my glucose gel and drink crystals from the bear cache. As I descended the cache from the tree I felt suddenly woozy. I lay down and threw up.

I have to keep sneaking juice into my stomach. I need the calories to prevent a low blood sugar. The thought of seeking medical attention has crossed my mind but I am too far from Creston to bike in the dark and I have no cell reception.

When I was writing those entries I remember thinking 'at least there will be a record of what happened, should anything go seriously wrong...' Clearly Into the Wild has had an exaggerated effect on my psyche but I was in rough shape.

The next day I rode into Creston and pushed my bike up the hill to the nearest hotel. I checked myself in and slept for about an hour before dragging myself into town. I had no appetite and no energy to do much more than assess the town from various sitting and lying positions. My visit to Bountiful was definitely going to have to wait.

That night I made myself a pizza. When I pulled it out of the oven I just starred at it; there was no way I was going to eat any of it. That's when I knew something was seriously wrong (I can only remember a few times in my life when I have not been hungry, at all other times I am ravenous.) So, after calling the nurses hot-line, I made trip to Creston's emergency room. The doctor there told me I probably was suffering from exposure to the sun and from drinking backcountry water. His recommendation was to drink lots of fluids and get some rest. I did and the next day I continued up the road to Nelson along the eastern shore of Kootenay Lake.


I never quite got my appetite and energy back though, and I was happy to be headed home by bus when I got to Nelson.

Back in Vancouver, my health got progressively worse. I spent five days lying on my bed, watching movies and feeling very sorry for myself. I couldn't eat and I had little energy to get myself around the city. However, as soon as I got to the doctor's office and got some antibiotics into my system I started to feel a lot better. By Friday my appetite was back, just in time to be in full eating form for mum's kitchen in Campbell River.

I spent a couple of good days in The River before the shit really hit the fan and I was admitted to hospital with chest pains. I woke up early Sunday morning with extreme pain and tightness just under my breast plate. The pain only lasted a couple of minutes but the tightness didn't go away. They hooked my up to all sorts of machines and inserted an IV. They drugged me up and put me to sleep for the night.

The next day I was scheduled to have an Echocardiogram and a stress test on a treadmill to see how my heart reacted to exercise. The Echocardiogram didn't reveal anything, but the stress test couldn't happen because they ran out of paper (I know, right!?) Originally they were going to keep me in hospital for another night but some assurance that I was feeling fine and a few tears got me discharged so I could spend the night at home.

The next morning I ran on the treadmill for the cardiologist but he couldn't find anything wrong with my heart. His diagnosis was Diabetic Ketoacidosis caused by that climb on August 4th, which was, for the record, the highest paved road in Canada. Apparently I was eating and drinking enough (possibly due to a stomach infection) and my body started to consume it's own muscles. Yikes!

I am in fine form now, but it has been a rough couple of weeks.

Trans BC Tour

View Larger Map

Here is an approximate map of my route from Vancouver to Nelson. The section between Hope and Midway follows the Kettle Valley Railway.

Holidays!

I am lucky enough to have five weeks of holidays this summer and I have kicked them off with a bike trip into the Kootenay region of BC. I am currently in Christina Lake, resting my legs and catching up on things you can't do from the seat of a bike.

I left Vancouver on July 22nd and rode along the north shore of the Fraser River to Hope, BC. For the most part it was a flat and easy ride. In Hope I met up with my friend Norm and we picked up the Kettle Vally Railway, which snakes it's way through canyons and along river beds to Midway, BC. Most of the trail is in pretty rough shape and we had a couple gruelling days. Pedaling at 7km/hr and limiting your vision to the three feet of rock and sand in front of you gets old pretty quickly. In the end we took a number of roads that parallel the worst parts of the trail in order to satisfy our need for speed. Both from those roads and from the railway itself, we were rewarded with some impressive views.

Norm looking out over the Coquihalla Canyon

Cooking up dinner JUST outside of Princeton. It wasn't until night fall that the house lights on the cliff behind us indicated how close to town we were.

The Country east of Princeton

The view from Giant's Head in Summerland

Slow regeneration after the forest fires of 2003 south of Kelowna

Myra Canyon, where the trestles were caught in the forest fires. All of them have been replaced and were reopened this year.

Midway Station, end of the line.

Tomorrow I am headed in the direction of Bountiful, BC - Canada's polygamous community of Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints. It should be pretty crazy.

Celebrating Results

There was much celebration in Vancouver last night, Leigh G graduating from UBC, Robin Havelaar turning 25, and G Max turning 28. J Havelaar's call to the bar was also on the agenda, but sadly he couldn't make it - something to do with his uncle. In any case, as is becoming routine for big celebrations among our friends, a keg was tapped and the merriment flowed.

As well as being a night of celebration, it was also a night of competition. While the much talked about Brown - Havelaar Dance Off never truly came to be, due to a lack of Havelaars in attendance, I think it is safe to say that Graeme Brown won hands down. That boy can dance!

In keg standing, Rachel Harrison, a reluctant competitor, guzzled her way to a first place finish.


And Leigh G, proving once again that the G stands for genius, took the cake in the chocolate replica category, creating this masterpiece of Robin and Graeme's best friend.


It's a chocolate Eli. Can you believe it?

Also to be remembered for

Mothers Day 2008 will also be remembered for an unfortunate incident involving Eli's leg and some unknown sharp object. The incident resulted in this bandaged appendage and one sad pooch.

This is the second time my brother's dog has needed an operation on his hind left leg. The cast from the first incident adorns his corner of the kitchen (see below.) However, it is the first time that the operation has happened in Mike Brown's living room; when dad offered to lend his skills in family medicine to service the family dog, there were no protests from his vet bill weary owners. Four stitches later Eli was mended.

Double Header

This past weekend was a double header for my mum; not only was it Mothers Day, it was her 60th birthday too. In order to celebrate the beginning of her seventieth (70th!) decade, Graeme, Mike, Dad and I had decided to throw a surprise party in her honour.

Keeping anything from my mum has been a serious challenge over the years. Anyone who knows her, knows that Shirley Greening has a knack for noticing anything out of place and anything out of the ordinary. I don't believe any of us have ever succeeded in pulling a fast one on mission control. At least not until now.

Mike, Robin, Graeme, Rachel and I spent the afternoon preparing the food and prepping Mike's house. By 5:30pm we had about 20 of Mum's friends hiding in Mike's kitchen and bedroom when she unsuspectingly arrived for "dinner." This is what success looks like:

Borrowing from Enid's trove of literary tools (see Enid's acclaimed blog,) I have come up with this equation:

3 boys living out of the house + Dad being given a stern talking to
= ability to pull a fast one on mum

Mt. Steel

Another weekend adventure. YES! This one was to the Sunshine Coast where we drove into the mountains until we hit the snow line and strapped on our skis. Two hours after leaving downtown Vancouver we were in the back country. Below are trip partners, Hugh, Norm and Don (left to right.)


Check out Mt. Steel Cabin! Trip partner Don has a fantasy of being trapped in a snow storm here. Wouldn't that be awesome?


Unfortunately, we skied out in the rain and missed our ferry back to Vancouver by a few minutes. Oh well.

WTF!?!

I know that the title already includes the date of this posting, but I feel the need to reiterate the fact that this is the middle of APRIL in VANCOUVER. It snowed last night and there is more in the forecast for today. These are taken just out front of my place, on our way to a party up the road.
Graeme, having recently returned from the east coast where temperatures were in the double digits, is not impressed. Rachel might be crazy.

Not so Beautiful BC

Today I spent the afternoon playing on the North Shore. I walked in Lighthouse Park with Rachel and skied Cypress Bowl with J. But rather than droning on about how gorgeous it all was, I'd like to provide proof that not everything in BC is as beautiful as our license plates would have you believe.

Shit running out the back of a trailer transporting cattle: disgusting.

J: Equally offensive.


Our new license plate slogan is "the best place on earth." It seems a bit arrogant to me. I wonder what residents of the Downtown Eastside, or Nanaimo, think about that.

I don't really have a point here, I mostly just wanted to post those photos of the cattle truck dripping shit on the highway and make fun of J. The jab at Nanaimo was icing on the cake.

Snow Report

This weekend a few guys from my swim team and I headed to Sun Peaks for a couple days of skiing. It was pretty awesome. Sun Peaks doesn't have a huge amount of cross country trails, but enough to keep us busy for the weekend and there was hardly anyone else there.

Left to Right: Paul, Norm, me, and Steve. Steve owns a fantastic condo at Sun Peaks that he used to live in full time. It was really kind of him to share his space (and hot tub) with us.

Today I go back to work... For those of you who haven't heard, I got a job at the Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver as a Mentoring Coordinator. I was going to write a post about how out of place I feel in an all female workplace, but I'm starting to settle in. Our team building workshop was a bit of a gong show though. Let's just say I had a hard time creating my personal "vision board" with magazine cut outs from O Magazine, Cosmopolitan and Good House Keeping.

House Warming/Birthday Kegger

Here are a few photos from the birthday/house warming party I held in early Feb. No kegger is complete without a keg stand. Take a bow Mike Brown.


Robin, Enid and Natasha had the chance to commiserate about the mean girls at Rockland Elementary. Enid so feels Robin's pain.